Here is a brief update timeline
October - choas, went from zero to 60 in apporximately 2 hours. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out daycare, early childhood, and how to accomodate a 3 year old to our already busy life
November - Z started Early Childhood in Eureka and quickly began picking up words and putting 2-3 word phrases together. Kristin my amazing sister-in-law also agreed to babysit him 3 days a week while I work. What an angel and blessing she has been.
December - Insanity... The holidays are busy without kids add in a 3 year old and you have insanity. We missed out on a couple of extended family Christmas's because Z got the flu but we were able to enjoy Christmas with both of our families and Z was very very spoiled.
January - Daniel and I went to Hawaii with Mom & Dad Stoller and Jill for 10 days. Z was left in the very wonderful hands of a family in Goodfield. We enjoyed our time away but came back to the news that Z's paternal grandparents were interested in him coming and living with them.
February - Working with Family Core, Z's parents and grandparents we decided that it would be best that Z not transition to his grandparents until the end of the school year.
March - We began weekend visits to Z's grandma and grandpas which started out a little rough in the beginning but very quickly Z began to get excited to go to Nana and Grandpa's and spent a week there during his spring break. Daniel and I were also very excited to find out that we were expecting a little miracle of our own in October. God's timing is SOOO very perfect!
April - Daniel started out the month with double hernia surgery which laid him up for a while but with it being spring he was back to work in no time at all. Z has been loving the warmer weather and spends as much time outside as possible. Last weekend we went up to a small waterpart with Mom & Dad Stoller, Derek & Kristin, and Jill. Z loved the water park and became quite brave jumping off the sides and going completely under the water.
So here we are now... It has been a crazy 8 months but we have grown soo much and I am so beyond thankful for the time that Z has been in our home. As June gets closer my heart gets heavier and heavier with the thought of Z leaving. I have a complete peace that he is going where he needs to be going. I trust his grandparents and have witnessed the love they have for him and I have no doubt he will be loved and well cared for - it really is a blessing and comfort to my heart. Even with the immense peace I feel my heart still aches for the changes that I know are coming... My life has changed so much in 8 months, I am very indpendant so a small part of me is looking forward to being able to go for morning runs again... run to the store whenever I need to... not constantly worry about having a babysitter lined up... sleeping past 6:30 once in a while.. but there are soo many more things that I will miss... evening snuggling, new words and phrases, watching a movie 5 times in a row, little hand prints all over my windows from watching for the cho cho trains ( I will never see or hear a train again without thinking of my lil Z bug)... I know that in a few short months I will have another little bug to care for and I am so very very thankful that God heart my plea and answered it by giving me this precious baby to look forward to and help me through the changes.
I have had a pretty good pregnancy so far - I have my days but for the most part I have been feeling about 75% which is much better than many others. I have been battling headaches and migraines which really isn't anything new to me except I am limited to Tylenol which does not help much at all. My Dr. very kindly ordered a special pain killer that is safe for me to take but it makes me feel sick and doesn't always get rid of the headache but it works well enough and I am thankful for it.
Just this morning I woke up with a massive migraine, moving my head was so extremely painful that I just laid there until I head Z come out of his room and he crawled into bed with me and cuddled up... I told him that mom had an ouchy head and he leaned over and gave me a big kiss said 'i love you' and started to rub my back...
I will miss these times very much come June but for now I am so thankful that God brought this lil guy into our lives, he has changed us and I will never be the same. He made me a mom and I love him with all my heart he will always be my first baby... People have been asking me if I would rather have a boy or girl and really I don't care at all I will be happy with either one. Usually I say Girl because I think it would be really fun to have a girl with the twins only being a year older but deep down I think I want a girl more because Z is my lil guy and while I know I have plenty of room in my heart for 2 lil guys its hard to imagine having a lil guy besides Z living in our house, sleeping in his room, playing with his toys... someday I know it will happen but right now a girl seems like a good change...
As you can tell from my few previous posts songs often speak to me and this song is no different...
When a broken heart heals, it beats that much stronger
it loves that much deeper, it learns to forgive.
With every tear it closer to mending
and the scars are just marks of a fighter that didn't just lay down and die when he could not feel.
in His strength alone,
larissa
